Episode 5.07: “Puppet Master”

(Spoilers lurk below.)

Up to now, season five has mostly been mired in mediocrity, but now we have our first genuinely awful episode of the season. “Puppet Master” is slow, boring, unfocussed, bizarre, and absolutely 100% pointless. If you haven’t seen it yet, my advice is to skip it and let the recap guy remind you of anything that might have accidentally been important.

Imaginary sequences are something that has been with this show since the beginning, but they are very dangerous. By showing the audience something that is only happening in one character’s head, the show cuts out actual plot time and real character interaction for… what? Imaginary sequences have to do a lot to justify themselves. When it’s just a musical number, as they usually are, one asks that it be entertaining and thematically relevant, and that imaginary musical numbers not take too much time out of the episode as a whole. “Britney/Brittany” is an example of an episode that went overboard on imaginary musical numbers: they were entertaining, but there were too many of them and they were thematically shallow. On the other hand, there’s imaginary plot time. “Props” actually handled this fairly well, as the body-swap bit lasted a single act and told us something about Tina. “Puppet Master” is the worst of both worlds: it has the imaginary musical number overload of “Britney/Brittany” along with imaginary plot bits that, unlike the one in “Props,” sprawl all over the episode. Also unlike in “Props,” the imaginary bits in “Puppet Master” are completely pointless, and bleed into the real world in a bizarre and uncomfortable way.

What the hell happened to Blaine? He wasn’t the most well-adjusted kid in season two, but he wasn’t insane, and he had some kind of people skills. I could go on at length about how the Blaine of later seasons differs from the Blaine of season two, but the Blaine of “Puppet Master” differs greatly from any other Blaine I’ve seen in the series. He’s controlling, antisocial, uncaring, and clearly mentally ill. At least he increased the creepiness level of his relationship with Tina to match hers. So anyway, the plot is that Blaine tries to take control of the glee club, but they don’t want to be bossed around by him. Then he has a hallucination about everyone in the club as puppets (due to a gas leak, apparently) Then he makes a puppet of Kurt, and has it confiscated by Sue. Then he gets detention for a week when Sue catches him trying to steal the puppet back (while wearing a lone ranger mask for some reason), and so he can’t make it to Kurt’s band’s first gig. So then he doesn’t call Kurt to let him know this and Kurt gets mad. And then everyone decides to do what Blaine wants to do anyway, a message that Tina delivers to him while discovering that he’s having a conversation with a Tina puppet who is wearing the very same dress Tina is wearing at that moment.

Um… what? What the holy hell did I just watch? Do I even have to review that mess? I’m pretty sure that trying to add anything to it would be like trying to add to the Mona Lisa of Shit: it would only detract from its perfection as a monument to awful plotting, characterization, and use of musical numbers.

Early on, it was obvious they were setting up a parallel between Blaine and Kurt, as Kurt tries to control his band the way that Blaine tries to control the glee club. Of course, the difference there is that Kurt actually is the leader of his band while the glee club has no official leader outside of Will, but whatever. In the end it doesn’t really seem like Kurt learns anything, since his decision to play at that dead venue gets them noticed through pure luck, and Blaine claims he learned that he wants to be more of a leader than a bossy person, but the actual character development got lost somewhere between the imaginary musical numbers and the puppets. Blaine and Kurt’s relationship drama doesn’t help matters any either, especially since Blaine is so incredibly wrong and stupid beyond anything he’s ever done before. He doesn’t call Kurt because why? He doesn’t want to hurt him? So instead of calling to explain his absence he just doesn’t show up? And I don’t even know what to make of Blaine giving everyone puppets of themselves because a) how is that supposed to be a resolution of anything, and 2) where did he find the time to make all those? Seriously?

Speaking of Kurt’s plotline, Dani and Elliot were in it, but didn’t have a whole lot to do. Were they planning on giving those people some characterization and spotlight time anytime soon, since they’re kinda major guest stars and new characters who promise to be important in the future? Past experience suggests… no.

Also, there is a subplot about Sue trying to become more feminine, because some guy she has a crush on mistakes her for a dude, and instead of chalking him up as a moron she decides that it’s her fault. This begins with her wearing high heels and stumbling around like a drunken lemur, leads into her asking for help from Will (who offers advice more cryptic than Mr. Miyagi: something about Ginger Rogers and dancing backwards in heels), and then finally ends with Sue getting a makeover from Wade… because clearly Wade can put all Sue’s school-sponsored bullying aside in order to help her just because she makes a pathetic request and no apology. And in the end, Sue still ends up getting shot down by that guy.

I dislike this on two levels. First, of course, it’s objectively dumb. Second, it takes Sue, a strong female character (about the only good thing I can say about her character at this point) and turns her into a woman who just wants to become what a man wants her to be. If they’d examined this character trait of Sue’s it could have been interesting (it showed up before, to an extent, in season one’s “Mash-Up” with her crush on Rod Remington), but as it is it just makes her look weak. She could even have gotten some help from Wade on that, considering that, her fashion and makeup skills aside, Wade is all about not being what society wants her to be.

The genesis of Sue’s subplot also features something that I recognize as a sign that a show is running out of ideas: showing the origin of things. It features a flashback that shows how Sue decided to dress and cut her hair the way she does today: because she couldn’t intimidate students with long hair and a dress for some reason. The makeup department also made no attempt to make Jane Lynch look any younger for the flashback, something they emphasize by cutting directly from past Sue’s face to present Sue’s. I don’t understand why this show does things sometimes.

Also happening in this episode: Bree has a pregnancy scare and suddenly becomes human, à la Quinn in season one. Jake, meanwhile, has a manwhore scare (Bree apparently feels high and mighty enough now to lecture him), and tries to recapture monogamy with Marley by offering a damn good attempt at a sincere apology. She still shoots him down, though. I like this because it hints at real character growth for Bree and Jake, but not enough plot time was devoted to it to do much. God forbid we cut out any of the puppet dream sequences or imaginary musical numbers.

I don’t really know what was up with Figgins in this episode. He sure was… there.

This was just an awful episode. I am dumber for having watched it, and you are dumber for having read about it.

The music followed the pattern of last week by being shallow, with the additional weakness of being completely imaginary. It was pointless, and none of it actually happened. Great. “Into the Groove” was fun, but I don’t see any good reason why they couldn’t have moved it to their band’s actual first performance, where it would have had more plot impact and carried the additional pathos of seeing them perform in front of an audience of one. “You’re My Best Friend” was okay, but totally pointless. “Nasty/Rhythm Nation” was easily the highlight of the episode on the merits of the number and performance alone, but I also liked it because it looked like Jake and Marley were actually communicating with each other. It’s the first time we’ve seen anger and some sassiness from Marley on this subject, as opposed to depression, disappointment, or sadness. But, it was all in Jake’s head, so who cares. “Cheek to Cheek“: pointless, except for the rare treat of hearing Jane Lynch sing. “The Fox (What Does the Fox Say)” is… just… what? What the hell was the point of that? I mean, aside from “it’s a popular song right now and we need iTunes sales.” I don’t usually criticize Glee for that, but come on. There was no reason for that song to be in this episode.

Other thoughts:

The puppets reminded me of the Sesame Street parody, which is much better than this episode. And Sesame Street’s Will puppet looks more like Matthew Morrison than Matthew Morrison does.

Sue’s doing a lot of leaning on the fourth wall lately. She questions the glee club’s budget because of the costumes in “Applause” from “A Katy or a Gaga,” as well as the “bullet train” that the glee kids must be using to go back and forth to New York City.

The bit with Blaine talking to Brad the piano guy was pretty funny.

Odd that it was Tina who got to tell Blaine that he earned a leadership and starring role in the glee club, considering she’s been there longer than him.

Becky is sounding more and more with each passing day like she’s reading her lines from a card. They’re just not giving her natural dialogue.

Marley looks really concerned about what the fox says.