Episode 5.20: “The Untitled Rachel Berry Project”

(Spoilers lurk below.)

This is how the fifth season ends, not with a bang but a blugh.

Blaine’s lie to Kurt, which should have been a major turning point in their relationship because of how symptomatic it is of how messed up Blaine is, is casually brushed aside, with Kurt almost assuming blame for it. Sam and Mercedes’s relationship, established and strengthened over the course of just the past few episodes, is unceremoniously and with little emotion brought to an end. And the development of Rachel’s TV show is treated as a joke that I don’t feel like I’m supposed to get.

First up we have Rachel’s TV show. The network has sent writer Mary Halloran to hang out with her in order to get to know her and develop the script. Mary is eccentric to the point of being bizarre, doing things such as interviewing people while lying under their desk, putting a doughnut in her bra during another interview, and picking the chocolate glaze off another doughnut despite being offered a plain one because she “prefers the misery of doing it this way.” I guess all this is supposed to be funny, but it’s mainly awkward and weird. Meanwhile, her contributions to the concept for Rachel’s show include upgrading her two gay dads to “two gay NASA dads,” and changing her friend’s names to such anonymous monikers as Slaine, Jam, Cert, and Blartie. When she finishes the actual script and gives it to Rachel and company to read over, it’s a bizarre mixture of teenage text acronyms and hashtags (“Hashtag hashtag hashtag hashtag hashtag…”), nihilistic musings, sex/art gallery foundings, and speeches about what characters are like. When Rachel confronts Mary about her script sucking, Mary insists, “People want antiheroes. They want chubby girls who can’t keep men and men who kill people,” which doesn’t make much sense as justification since her script has none of that. Eventually Rachel convinces her of her ideas with the power of song, and Mary agrees to try writing s script that might make someone happy.

This is what I mean about a joke that I don’t think I’m meant to understand. I mean, I guess I get that TV has gotten darker and edgier in recent years, but what the hell was the original script supposed to be parodying, and what was up with Mary Halloran? I somehow get the idea that this is all very funny to people who were around when Glee was being pitched, which I think is an example of the kind of inside joke we can look forward to for the entirety of this plot arc. I understand the idea that Glee is a show that is different from anything else on television, and that part of that is its enduring optimism, but I’m not sure what other point this bit is trying to make. I’m afraid it makes Glee sound a lot more revolutionary than it is. Plus, they seem to have forgotten how dark Glee was in season one.

Also, as I may have mentioned before, if season six ends up being all about the meta-creation of Glee within Glee, I quit. For real.

Probably not really.

Anyway, Rachel and the gang are pleased with Mary’s new happy script, she sends it to the network, and by the end of the episode Rachel has gotten the call that the network has ordered a pilot. So much for Fanny Brice, I guess. I can’t wait to see the scene where she tells Sidney about this.

Meanwhile, Blaine decides to cut off this multi-episode arc about him lying to Kurt about June wanting him in her showcase by suddenly blurting out the truth. Kurt is understandably hurt, and walks out. Then later, he comes back and not only forgives Blaine, but tells him that he’s not even angry. Then they go have sex. The biggest problem with this resolution is that it does not address the deeper problems with Blaine and Kurt’s relationship. Blaine cheated on Kurt in season four, he became wildly jealous of Elliot in season five to the point that he confronted Elliot in his own home in “New New York“, he lied to Kurt about the cheating in “The Break-Up” and about being able to go to Kurt’s band’s opening night in “Puppet Master,” he became unbearably clingy to the point that they both have to back off in “New New York,” and he displayed crippling insecurity and an eating disorder brought on by his issues with his and Kurt’s relationship in “Tested.” And now there’s this. Blaine again lies to Kurt, and shows that he is having major issues maintaining a healthy relationship, and it’s again just shrugged off. Given the multi-episode nature of this story, it felt like this should have been some kind of tipping point. Instead, it was just a big anticlimax.

Anyway, Blaine invites Kurt onstage during the showcase anyway, against June’s wishes, and they are such a big hit that June has to admit that Blaine was right to do it and forgive him. Once again, Glee gets to have its cake and eat it too.

Then there’s Sam and Mercedes. Mercedes is about to go on tour and Sam is starting a gig working with a very attractive female photographer. Mercedes is not worried that Sam will crack and cheat on her, but, oddly enough, Sam is. He eventually has a moment of weakness and kisses the photographer when she comes onto him, after which he immediately leaves and goes to confess to Mercedes. She forgives him, which is more believable in this case than in Kurt and Blaine’s case because Sam confessed immediately, because he wasn’t the instigator of the kiss, and because he left the situation as soon as he could. This leads into Sam and Mercedes mutually breaking up, as they are about to be apart for a long time and Mercedes doesn’t think it’s fair to keep asking Sam to wait.

Suddenly, all that time they spent selling “Samcedes” the past few episodes seems kinda pointless. They just can’t not break up, apparently. It’s like they have on-and-off-again breakups instead of a relationship.

In the end, Sam successfully completes his photoshoot somehow, and ends up nearly naked on the side of a bus, at long last achieving his lifelong dream. With that, he decides to go back home to Ohio, because NYC apparently just isn’t his style. How long has he been there, a year at most? Probably not longer than a few months. Seems like he’s writing himself out of the show.

Speaking of which, Santana is conspicuously absent from this episode. It’s explained that she is in Iowa shooting a commercial, which is weird because that’s not the direction it looked like she was going back in “Old Dogs New Tricks.” There are a lot of rumors going around about why Naya Rivera was excluded from the finale, and I don’t know what’s true and what isn’t. I’ll refrain from commenting on that (as I usually do regarding offscreen drama), but Santana’s absence is pretty awkward, especially since Brittany is back. It’s been a while since we’ve seen Santana and Brittany in the same room at the same time. Maybe they’re actually the same person.

All in all, this was not a terrible season finale, but it was underwhelming. And, as usual, I have no idea what the fuck is going to happen next season.

Musically, things were not bad, though there may have been a song or two too many. Original song “Shakin’ My Head” had a nice beat but ludicrous lyrics. It was fun, though, and I can believe it coming from Mercedes. And it was nice seeing Brittany dancing again. Heather Morris apparently told all that baby weight to go fuck itself. Blaine’s “All of Me” was good, and a decent lead-in to his confession to Kurt. “Girls on Film” worked as a way of showing the temptations of Sam’s new career. “Glitter in the Air” was good, but it was a little much to ask us to believe that it melted Mary’s black cynical heart. “No Time at All” was quite good. I could stand to see more of Shirley MacLaine next season, if only for performances like this. “American Boy” was so good that it almost made me believe June’s sudden turnaround on the subject of Kurt. “Pompeii,” loath as I am to admit it (because I don’t like the way this episode ended in general) was the highlight. It sold the characters’ feelings about how things keep changing, yet how things are still, well… pretty okay.

Other thoughts:

Brittany has apparently been stuck in the airport “Like Tom Hanks in that movie.” “Cast Away?” “Big?” “The Money Pit?” “Okay, it was Cast Away.

I hate the stereotype that all “serious” writers use a typewriter, and not just because I’m typing this on a brand-new MacBook Air.

Rachel and the gang make a pact to meet back in NYC in six months, no matter what happens. I hope that that vow lasts longer than the one she made to remain in the City for two years with Kurt and Santana.

Uh… did Sam go back to high school?

Hopefully I’ll be back shortly with my season overview.

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